We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
