i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
