i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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