you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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