Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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