they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
