Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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