Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
