Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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