Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
