new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
