your parents love me but you hate me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
