I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was CRYING into my vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
