I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
