wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He passed out mid-signature
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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