I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
