fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
