as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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