I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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