Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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