Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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