I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
