And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
