He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
