***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
