nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
