My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just tell him i said nine months
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
