idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
