I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
