i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
