i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
