Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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