you traded sex for a burrito?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
