I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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