You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
