woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
