I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
