2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
