Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
