I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
