i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just took my morning after pill in the library
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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