Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
