Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
