last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
