until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
