Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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