i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
