you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
