you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
