I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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