i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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