I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
