sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
