Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
