So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
