Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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