fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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