i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
