I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
