So gin and wine won't be happening again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
