There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
