bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
