So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
