then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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