Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
