Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What changed your mind?
Being sober
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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