when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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