wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
