Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
